Before I start I will say that this is a very personal post and have very little to do with plus size fashion, but it has a lot to do with how I am as a person and how my illness has shaped me into the person I am today. I always try to see the best in people, but sometimes it is hard cause I don't get the same back just because I have an invisible illness.
I have blogged
about it earlier but when Leah talked about this topic on facebook I decided to
write about it again as this is one topic that clearly is difficult for many to
understand! Possibly one topic that only
the ones of us which are in this state, or the nearest to us understand. Probably because it can rarely be seen on the outside
that we are not healthy. Or when it can be seen on us and we are most probably
at home / indoors as
we don’t want to be around people. We have an invisible illness.
I have struggled with these illnesses(I’m suffering from two different personality disorders, general anxiety disorder,chronic depression and social anxiety that can cause panic attacks) for about 25 years and over the years I have learned a lot about myself and other people, most of all managed to sort which of my friends who are true friends and who are acquaintance.
I do not know how many times I have experienced not being understood or respected when it comes to what I have and do not have the energy to do. Situations where I have explained that it has got nothing to do with that I don’t want contact anymore, it is just difficult to do things sometimes.
The challenge all of us with invisible illnesses have is that it does not show on the outside that there is a shortage of energy and it is therefore easy for those who doesn’t know this themselves first handedly to think that we are lazy , antisocial , shy or simply can’t be bothered. That said , it's not about bothering or not bothering, it 's all about prioritizing my security.
I have been quite lucky with my best friends and family as they all try to understand and don’t put a pressure on me if I have a bad day, and that 's what we're living with these illnesses need! We need to get some praise that we finally take our needs into account and not what we think that everyone expects from us. But then at the same time we also need to be able to do things without it being talked about behind our backs about how quiet we are in certain situations or the opposite I saw him/her is at work, training ,café ( or any other place ) and the he/she looked super healthy and really energetic so I think that he/she must have energy enough. I 'm so tired of people speaking that way about us ! That some see us as lazy anti social benefit fraudsters. Most of us have normal jobs and those who doesn’t hasn’t got their benefits for being lazy. The system doesn’t work like that.
Good people do not talk/ think like that, they allow others to be who they are for a simple reason :
THEY KNOW , THEY DO NOT see what happens INSIDE another person and they know that what they see is only a SURFACE . They know that you can have energy for a short while, anywhere from a few hours to a few days only to disappear again. They allow us to be as we are , and that's okay. Upon meeting people like that it gives me hope again that someday more and more people will understand what we are going through.
I have struggled with these illnesses(I’m suffering from two different personality disorders, general anxiety disorder,chronic depression and social anxiety that can cause panic attacks) for about 25 years and over the years I have learned a lot about myself and other people, most of all managed to sort which of my friends who are true friends and who are acquaintance.
I do not know how many times I have experienced not being understood or respected when it comes to what I have and do not have the energy to do. Situations where I have explained that it has got nothing to do with that I don’t want contact anymore, it is just difficult to do things sometimes.
The challenge all of us with invisible illnesses have is that it does not show on the outside that there is a shortage of energy and it is therefore easy for those who doesn’t know this themselves first handedly to think that we are lazy , antisocial , shy or simply can’t be bothered. That said , it's not about bothering or not bothering, it 's all about prioritizing my security.
I have been quite lucky with my best friends and family as they all try to understand and don’t put a pressure on me if I have a bad day, and that 's what we're living with these illnesses need! We need to get some praise that we finally take our needs into account and not what we think that everyone expects from us. But then at the same time we also need to be able to do things without it being talked about behind our backs about how quiet we are in certain situations or the opposite I saw him/her is at work, training ,café ( or any other place ) and the he/she looked super healthy and really energetic so I think that he/she must have energy enough. I 'm so tired of people speaking that way about us ! That some see us as lazy anti social benefit fraudsters. Most of us have normal jobs and those who doesn’t hasn’t got their benefits for being lazy. The system doesn’t work like that.
Good people do not talk/ think like that, they allow others to be who they are for a simple reason :
THEY KNOW , THEY DO NOT see what happens INSIDE another person and they know that what they see is only a SURFACE . They know that you can have energy for a short while, anywhere from a few hours to a few days only to disappear again. They allow us to be as we are , and that's okay. Upon meeting people like that it gives me hope again that someday more and more people will understand what we are going through.
There is one
thing I dare to say ! There is absolutely NONE of us who want to be in this
state and if there was a magic way of getting out of it I would do all I could
to do so.
- If you do something, prepare for the comment - "So, you can do it ,I thought you were ill" said in a suspicious tone.
- If you don’t do anything, prepare yourself for the comment - " You must be able to do a little bit , even if you are ill." said in a reproachful tone.
- Are you smiling and happy, you are greeted with the comment - "I thought you were ill ."
- If you’re not smiling , you are greeted with the comment - "Keep your head up, nothing gets better by you being down and negative . Be positive, that makes everything better. "
- If you take part in something social , always be prepared that someone makes a comment , not because they are not happy to see you there , but because they "do not realize that you can be on your feet,you're ill! "
- If you don’t take part in something social , the comment : - "Yes, but don’t you think you would have benefited from getting out among the people? "
- Any answer to the question - "How are you ?" - Will always be the wrong answer . Either because you are too positive or too negative.
- Always be prepared to explain and defend why you do what you do in any situation , and be aware that your response will always be subject to discussion.
- People who are ”healthy” will be competing to tell you the solution to all your problems - it is just to do like them! They have remained healthy.
This? might sound cynical, but hey that is what having to defend you for 25 years does to you. I'm always prepared cause I know I will always meet someone that doesn't understand. This is what all of us have to try and change and by raising our voices hopefully we take a small step in the right direction.
xxx
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