Last week I was so lucky that I was chosen to go on live tv on ITV's This Morning. The week before a few of us proud plus size ladies had been in the Daily Mail showing off our bikini bodies and talking about body shaming. You can read this article HERE.

I read in a Norwegian newspaper the other day about self confidence and overweight. It said that more than 80% of women are unhappy with themselves and their bodies. Isn't that sad? Isn't it sad that we are wasting our lives on being unhappy? This one life we have and we are unhappy with a few kilos too much or a lot of kilos too much?

I've been plus size most of my grown up life, but I have probably never been bigger than I am now. That should probably mean that I shouldn't be more unhappy with myself than what I am now either. But why should I go around throwing away valuable time living my life in misery? And would I really be happier if I lost some weight? Should I feel ashamed to be bigger than the norm? And should I feel guilty for feeling good in my own big body? Should other people change their way of thinking or should I be forced into slimming down to avoid unpleasant episodes?

Let's take an example.

When I was on holiday in Berlin last week I walked around Berlin in shorts a whole day something that was a rather bizarre experience. I have never in my entire life been so stared at by so many people as I was this day. I was measured up and down and people were laughing and sticking their heads together talking about me. One person even said in German that I looked awful! The majority of the ones staring and talking were women. Women of all ages. Some men as well, but by far the majority was women. I did not expect this kind of behaviour and it made me think if being fat in seen different from country to country. And I think it is to some extent. I've done the same here in England without people looking at me like I have a dogs head attached to my body. I've never done it in my native Norway, but my guess would be that people there would react similar to people in Germany. I did some Googling and found this infographic from OECD's website that I thought was interesting.





I'm all for living a healthy life and I try to eat healthier than I used to, but I have to admit I'm also quite lazy. I don't eat extreme quantities of food and I don't eat a tub of ice cream every night. The reason why I'm fat is because I love food and over time I've eaten good food too often and not been active enough. Simple as that. But should I be forced into feeling guilty of being like this? Isn't it most important that I'm happy with who I am and that I feel good about myself. It's not like I'm totally inactive either as I love to swim, and I am out and about travelling, and walking a lot so I do exercise. I've reflected a lot over this and I don't think that I would be any happier if I lost the weight as self confidence is something you can have even if you are fat and flabby. Being slim and toned doesn't equal a happy life. Just like having money in abundance makes you happy. You have to find the self confidence within yourself and that is what I have found. For the last 10 years I've been very happy with myself and my body image and I've done some amazing things that I never thought would be possible for someone of my size. I've been a nude model, I've been a catwalk model, I've been in magazines as a model, I've been in two blockbuster movies as extras and I have met some really inspirational people. All this has shaped me into the person I am today. Life is too short to go around waiting for the day you become a better version of yourself. You are more than good enough as you are. It's no shame to be fat, it's no shame to be different. If people doesn't like it that you are happy the way you are, it says a lot more about the problems they have got. Those problems might be more difficult to change than slimming down a few sizes.

Xxx 

Proud stretch marks

xxx

I'm sorry I'm late with this post, but it has been so much going on this week so I simply haven't had time to sit down and write a post about my chest. Cause I wanted to have time when I write these posts as for me they are a bit more in depth posts than normal fashion posts.

My chest yes, where should I start? First of all I love my boobs! They are probably some of the things I like best about myself. I love boobs.


I think boobs are so beautiful. Not just to look at, but when you think about their purpose.

As a mum my boobs have meant something more than just being an object of lust for my partners. It meant needed food for my daughter when she was born. Oxytocin is being ejected into your body when a woman is breast feeding her child. From the nature we are developed to feel calm, closeness and love to the child she is feeding. In addition to sucking the nipple the child very often also massages the breast to increase the flow of milk. It's quite amazing to think about how we are made. It's like magic. The child know instinctively that this will help it survive.



Before I became a mum I was very fixated on my boobs. I always got lots of attention because of them because they were big. I've always had a huge chest. As a 14 year old I was wearing a HH cup. My mum and her mum had big boobs too so I use to call the maternal inheritance. I have been very lucky to not have any trouble with them. Never suffered from any particular back, shoulder or neck ache because of them. I think I have quite strong muscles in my upper back due to the weight of them.

As I have become older and put on a bit of weight they have become even bigger and are now a size 40M which makes it a real challenge finding lingerie that fits. The biggest cup they make in UK is an L cup and this is a too small. It's not very attractive to get the quad boob, but I find myself getting that all the time. This is very frustrating. Another thing I really miss is having a really good bra that lifts and supports them cause that is what they need. Cause my girlies are HEAVY!! They could knock someone dead if I started jumping or running, so needless to say that this is not my preferred form of exercise. So my hope is that bra producers starts to see further cause I can't be the only person out there that has bigger boobs than K, KK and L???



But most of the time I love my boobs. I love showing them off, but not as much as when I was younger. I used to be a plus size and bbw model. I had my photos in magazines and various publications. It wasn't anything I had been pushed into doing. It was something I wanted to do for myself as I liked showing off and I'm happy I did it. I still do some shoots, but not as often as before.
 It gives me a lot of confidence that I never had before and that is something I'm so grateful for. It has made me realize that my body is beautiful and that I don't have to hide. I don't have to dress like a frumpy hag just because I'm fat, I can actually dress in more figure hugging clothes and look amazing. This was like an epiphany for me and for that alone I'm glad I did it. No regrets!



My husband loves my boobs and he can't get enough of my curves. He uses them as a pillow and he says I give the best cuddles in the world.

I also use my boobs for various tasks. They can be very useful. Most morning on the way to work I put my make up in my cleavage so I can easily find it as I go along. I carry my phone in my bra when I'm out and about, I can place my drink in my cleavage, I can use my own boobs as pillows, when I was younger and went to gigs and it wasn't allowed to take photos I hid a camera under my boobs to get it in. Whenever I don't have a handbag I store things in my bra.

Before I end this post I want to share some funny boobs photos with you.

Very useful!!

Lucky kitten

Feeling inspired. Watch this space!

This bra would be the right fit for me!! :)

How do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?

To be totally honest I get bored! Before it upset me a lot more and I couldn't stand hearing about it as it made me feel like a failure. But the last few years I have started to think more positive and my self image is so much better than it used to be. I think a lot of girls feel so unhappy with their bodies and are being sucked in to the «hype» of dieting instead of focusing on accepting who you are or how you are. I don't think that losing weight will change too much cause will you ever be happy if your body image is not good. It's a big part in your head and I don't think dieting alone is the key to a happier life.


How has your body image changed since high school? College?
It's quite ironic really that my body image is so much better now than 20 years ago as back then I wasn't big at all. I was probably a size 16, but I felt huge. I felt the constant pressure to lose weight, but instead I kept comfort eating. I think part of it has to do with getting more mature. I'm 39 this year and feel very confident in myself as a person as well as I did when I was 19. But also me changing my mindset has been a great contributor to a change in my body image.

Have you tried dieting? What happened?

Tried it? About a million times. After almost dying from acute pancreatitis in 2007 I lost about 7.5 stone so I have succeeded before, but after moving to England I have piled on about 6 of those stone again. It's too much yummy food!! I know how it works and lately I have started to live healthier instead of deliberately dieting which I think is much more important in the long run. Cause it is a change of lifestyle and it will be a slower result, but also a more long term goal. For me personally I have to lose weight and get healthier due to health problems.

Do you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?

I don't know. I think it is more how we are brought up. I mean it would be easy for me to say that it is genetic that I'm fat as my mum was fat too, but I think it has just as much to do with unhealthy habbits. When I was a kid I was very skinny and had more similar body to my dad than my mum. But in my teens I started piling on weight. I ate what I wanted and no one told me that I was eating unhealthy. I did not eat anymore than anyone else, but I won't hide the fact that what I ate was exactly what I wanted, so a lot of sugar and fatty food. I won't say that it can't be genetic, because I think some people are prone to store fat in a different way than others do. Cause some people can eat whatever they want without gaining weight.



Do you consider yourself healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy?

I consider myself healthier! I'm healthier than I used to be. I think the biggest difference in my healthier lifestyle now is due to my social anxiety, anxiety disorders and depression as I have isolated myself in long parts of my life. This has made it difficult for me to go out and join gyms, go for walks and do daily things that burn calories without noticing like going to shops, working etc. Instead I was comfort eating and this became a very scary circle. Battling with mental issues is something I struggle with every day, but I have found great help in CBT and also in starting modelling as this changed my view on myself and made me accept myself and my body. I'm a lot more out and about in everyday life, I work full time and I go to the gym and go for walks. I also try to be more conscious about what I eat, so I'm definitely more healthy.
Quite a few people have assumed that I'm very unhealthy and said it directly to my face. Then they get really surprised if they see my toned and strong legs I have got thanks to a lot of walking and swimming.

Are your parents both supportive of you at the weight you're at? Have they always been?

My parents are both dead so unfortunately I don't have their support anymore. But when they were alive they were a good support. My mum had been overweight herself, but after developing diabetes she lost about 8 stone. But she kept on being very supportive to me and how I felt about myself and if anyone said something bad about me she most certainly would tell them how she felt about it.
My dad who was a very fit and healthy man. He was a top athlete for most of his life and competed for Norway in his youth. He was also very supportive and said that women always looked nicer with some meat on them. But on the other hand he always tried to show me the fun of being active and eating sensibly, but he never talked about dieting or losing weight.

How do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people?

I think they can for a start let us be seen in shop windows with more realistic mannequins so girls growing up can understand that there is room for a diverse society where everyone is accepted, not just the size 4 dolls that we can see in high street stores these days. I mean there is lots of people that are built bigger. Like me I don't think I will ever be able to lose so much weight that I can wear a size 4, 6 or 8. If I did that I think I would look very scrawny and anorectic. While other people look perfectly normal if they are a smaller sizes.
I also think it is about time that we should be allowed to go in a shop and chose freely whether we are a size 10 or a size 30 without media and retailers thinking that they are channeling an unhealthy body image. Cause there are many reasons for different sizes. It's not just black and white.

Do you think plus-size women are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How?

I do think that women are judged differently. I think it is easier and more accepted to judge a big woman than a man. Even for a little weight gain. I think men can put on more weight without being judged the same way as women. I don't think men has the same pressure to look good as a woman. They can be judged based on other things, while for women I think first impression in particular are based on how you look. That being said my husband who is a plus sized man have been a victim of blind violence due to this his weight which is totally dispicable and shouldn't happen under any circumstances. He is thankfully not suffering from any mental issues based on this attack.

Do you think there’s an assumption made/stereotype that exists about plus-size people? How would you respond to it?

Yes, definitely. We are lazy, greedy, eat alot, smell, we are stupid, unsuccessful, insecure, undisciplined, we only like dirty sex, we are bad workers and so on. It's totally crazy how many words that can be used to describe a fat person. I get so upset over this, but no feeling is better than being underestimated for so to hit back and prove them wrong. That is the best way of showing them and hopefully in most cases this will help them change their attitude.

Do you think there’s ever a right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight?

Yes, of course there is. If it is a risk for someone's health you should always express concern. That is why I'm trying to live healthier. I lost both my parents due to heart problems so I'm a big risk group of getting the same and I want to live so therefore I have to do something about it. But like I said further up in my post, I don't diet, I have made a change of lifestyle, or try to do it. Sometimes better than others. But as I learnt in CBT it is better to try and if you have a bad day where you eat unhealthy, don't beat yourself up over it, just eat healthy the next day.

What are the worst things people have said to you about your body?

That the only way I could get laid with him was to keep my clothes on and pull a sack over my head.

How did you respond?

I said to him «Why do you assume that I want sex with you? Cause I wouldn't touch if you were the last man standing. And this is coming from me, a fat girl»

What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?
They say I'm great at dressing. That I carry myself very gracefully, that I'm well proportioned, that I'm always so well put together and that they can tell I'm self confident.

Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?

Both. I have friends that are fat, friends that has been fat and friends that never have been fat. Real friends likes you for you and not for how you look. After becoming part of the plus size community I have found a lot of like minded people which have been a big value to my life. But I do value my slimmer friends just as much as well.

How has your weight affected your sex life, if at all?
I can't say it has affected my sex life much. I'm a very sexual person and I have always been very self confident in bed. Even when I struggled with my self image. It was kind of like the bed was my safe place where I always felt confident and that hasn't changed.

When you've been single, has your weight affected your dating life?

Not much really. I haven't felt like I can't find a man due to my weight. I have been in two very long relationships for most of my grown up life, but I have never seen my weight as a problem to meet someone.

Do you feel weird if the guy you’re with only dates larger women?

Yes! It would feel like he was with me just because of my body and not me as a person.

Do you feel weird if he's only dated slimmer women before you?

I don't know... My husband had never dated anyone as big as me before he met me, but he fell for me because of me, despite me being fat.

It was fun doing all these questions as they raise some important questions about how you feel about yourself. And for many overweight people I think that what goes on inside your own head can be just as much harm as other peoples words. That being said, discrimination as fat shaming shouldn't be accepted and should be made illegal on the same grounds as being a racist


xxx 

This is my first time in this challenge, so I hope I'm doing it correctly.

Vicky over at The Curved Opinion kindly let me join and since I'm late I'm saying sorry to all the other participants in this challenge.

You know sometimes when you spend ages getting ready for a night out, an event or even just a blog post, and the reflection in mirror isn't what you hoped?  This challenge is for those times when you look in the mirror, no pre planning involved, and think "I look good today".  

I rarely bother getting made up for work! I love to lie in bed as long as possible, so I very often chose for easy options for work clothes wise. With my make up I but on mascara and add red lipstick and face is ready. My hair is probably my most neglected part of my appearance. I rarely bother to do anything with my hair. I have my usual styles that is The Quiff as can be seen here







 

I also know people that can't understand how I can be happy and proud of myself since I'm fat. Not naming names, but someone close to me that I know loves me a lot doesn't find it easy to say to me that I look nice or that I'm pretty when I show photos that I'm proud of. It does hurt as I want this person to see my outer beauty as well as my kindness and happy personality. Internee trills are in a league of their own. They can say what they want and hide behind their anonymous names. Its a chapter on it own that I'm sure most of you also know how is. People also assume that I'm stupid since I'm fat. People have said to me before "ooh so you have a masters degree in politics. I would never have thought that of you" and "so you know 6 languages? you must be very smart then" what have total strangers that I had never spoken to before just assume I was stupid? Because I'm blonde or because I'm fat? I even knew this one girl that was far from as fat as me, and she didn't think she deserved to be loved! I remember asking her why she thought that, and she said that no man would want her cause she was to fat cause all men likes slim women. I said to her, but look at me I'm a lot fatter than you and I have Mike. She said yes, but that's different cause you are self confident. She said that she didn't manage to feel good about herself thanks to the body hysteria there is everywhere. She saw perfect love in movies with picture perfect people and thought that that was how it is supposed to be. She later lost half her body weight, but is still single. Its just so incredibly sad that people are being brainwashed to think that slim is the only beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way no matter if you are fat or slim. Excuse my misspellings and non paragraphed post, but I had started this post a few Weeks back and finished it now on my phone when I couldn't sleep. X x x Mookie